Self-Care: Cut Yourself Some Slack
“Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Matthew 22:39
What comes to mind when you read the words Self-Compassion?
For many people, the first reaction is often one of concern, misgiving, or uneasiness. They believe that being kind and gracious to themselves might make them weak, more vulnerable, or even snotty (a clinical word that could mean arrogant, puffed up, or aloof). They erroneously think self-criticism keeps them accountable or improves their performance, they are sometimes overly concerned that letting go of the nasty habit of self-criticism will somehow cause them to appear less competent.
I believe one of the things those of us who have struggled in this area have a hard time understanding is that the reverse is true; tormenting ourselves and holding ourselves to be accountable to completely unrealistic expectations which will most likely sabotage out efforts.
I know in my own life, one of the voices that I consistently listened to, was that nagging whisper planted in my head by a teacher in high school that I was a horrible English student and that I might not make it out of high school. Now in all fairness, she planted the seed, but I did a phenomenal job of watering and fertilizing it. That is until I made a choice to turn the volume down and begin to write. Just so you know, I am still in the process, as we all are of figuring life out.
News Flash! If you haven’t figured it out yet, bludgeoning yourself with self-criticism compromises your goals, impairs your pursuits, and steals your dreams, whether they are mental, physical, spiritual, academic, health-related, or professional.
In my work as a therapist and as a Crisis Response Specialist I have learned that self-care, self-compassion is a must if I want to provide adequate care to others. Likewise, self-care, self-compassion is not an option if I desire to impact this world.
After all, Jesus said, in Matthew 22: 37–38, “Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Let me be clear, we are not talking about some narcissistic type of self-love, but of, to use a biblical metaphor, “temple maintenance.” We cannot export what we do not have.
So, what does health self-care or self-compassion look like?
It brings fourth resilience, it enables you to be more flexible and agile as you face life’s challenges, it provides you the capacity to identify problems, accept feedback, both good and bad, and to modify habits that no longer serve your best interests. This type of shift in your thinking opens the doors to enhanced resilience, hope, increased strength, optimism, and opportunities.
Here are seven ways to practice self-care:
1. Get your horizontal and vertical relationships in order. The quote from Jesus pretty much sums it up. Love God and out of that love of God will come the love of self, then love of others.
2. Remember, we have to all constantly fight the inner poser. We all feel like fakes and frauds from time to time. When you find yourself beating yourself up, calling yourself names, rehearsing old hurts, telling yourself you are a loser or suffering from the paralysis of analysis, STOP. Everybody struggles with this from time to time, it is all part of being human. They are just thoughts, you always have a choice to give them a place in your brain and heart or to dismiss them.
3. Be a buddy to yourself. Would you offer yourself support and encouragement on a bad day? Would you cheer for yourself on a good one?
4. Use your meals as an act of self-care. When you eat, pause to notice that you are taking time to nourish yourself. Rather than seeing how fast you can consume your meal, a nasty habit that I picked up in the military, chew your food slowly, savor the flavor as you add fuel for your body.
5. Get the rest your body needs, 7–8 hours is a great goal and has been proven time and time again to renew and refresh.
6. Have a time of stillness and quietness in the morning. It could be a time of prayer and meditation. You could read from a daily devotional or have some type of daily reading plan. One that I have used is to read one chapter of the book of Proverbs a day.
7. Ask for some help. No, I do not mean therapy, although a good therapist could help. Here is a thought, experiment with giving someone else a chance to help you. It might be a friend, colleague, or mentor who can come alongside you to help out, be an accountability partner, or just an encourager.
Remember Jesus’ words. “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”
Action Plan
Choose 2 of the 7 suggestions to begin showing yourself some Self-Compassion.
Let me hear your thoughts.
Blessings,
John
© 2018 John Thurman
